Melody Maker

Who Is The Worst Dressed Person In Clubland?

• 1st February 1999

Many stars of dance look like they got dressed in the dark, but who's the worst? 
First Round: Green Velvet Vs Keith Flint Keith Flint is a streamroller of bad fashion. In his kilt of chaos, he crushes all in his path, even self-styled Venusian Green Velvet. Who here opts for a shirt-sleeves/no-shirt combo. And head nozzles. Keith advances to Round two.

Second Round: Keith Flint Vs Tom Chemical In parts of Papua New Guinea, Tom Chemical is worshipped as a god. Here, though, he just looks like a scruffy man with a snowboard. By contrast, Keith Flint looks ready to run amok in his powder-blue bowling suit and shoes. Strike! Keith advances to Semi Finals

Semi Finals: Keith Flint Vs Boy George (On Keith:) Is it a bomber jacket? Is it a Japanese Kimono? It's both! Respect. And look at the pencil sticking out of his nose. Boy George, meanwhile, goes all 'Napoleon' but sadly faces his Waterloo in the form of Mr Prodigy. Keith advances to Final

The Final: Keith Flint Vs Goldie Goldie looks strong: Tommy Hillfiger thermal underwear and a puffa jacket made from the same fabric as a lunar module. But Keith wheel out one of his classic outfits: the dog collar, the horrible Sex Pistols Union Jack shirt, and... oh God... a mighty waterfall of greying pubes. Disturbing, but in its own way, brilliant. Goldie is defeated.

Winner!: Keith Flint And here he is, to collect his "more money than sense" award from the grateful tailors of Britain. And what an outfit he is wearing for his triumphant final appearance. It appears to be a bathrobe of the type worn by Chinese emperors, but - cleverly - an exquisite Renaissance oil painting has been added on the side. This kind of thing could be thought of as a bit over the top, but Keith keeps it "street" by setting off the robe with a pair of trainers. Sweet ass! 

---

• Keith Flint